The Middle Is Where We Lose Ourselves

I was rereading Daniel Pink’s book When last week and one study he mentioned stopped me in my tracks. It was about Hanukkah — more specifically, how often families light the menorah during the eight nights of the holiday.
Now, I’m not Jewish, and I didn’t grow up lighting a menorah, but the data still hit me like a truth bomb. Here’s what researchers found: The first night? Almost everyone lights the candle.
The last night? Same thing — participation shoots back up.
But the nights in between — nights three, four, five, six — those are the ones most families forget. Not because they don’t care. Not because they aren’t committed. But because they’re human. Life happens. The middle gets murky.
And the second I read it, I thought: Isn’t that exactly what happens with our goals? Especially in real estate?

The Beginning Is Easy

Have you ever noticed how good the beginning feels? A fresh planner. A new quarter. A revamped strategy. The coaching. The accountability. The color-coded calendar. You can practically feel yourself stepping into a better version of you. Your intentions are sharp and shiny. The menorah flame is bright on Night 1.

And then…

The Middle Sneaks Up on You

Somewhere around week three of a plan, or month two of the quarter, or halfway through a big goal… something shifts. Not dramatically. Not like an explosion. More like a quiet fade.
Just like most families don’t purposely skip nights three through six of Hanukkah — agents don’t purposely drift from their goals. It happens subtly:

• You miss a day of prospecting.
• You stop tracking for a bit.
• You get busy, then overwhelmed, then reactive.
• The “why” you felt so strongly about gets buried under client fires and school schedules and dishes and errands and life.

The middle is not loud. The middle is sneaky. And the hardest part? You don’t realize you’re in it until you’re already behind.

The Ending Isn’t the Problem

When a deadline is near, we all know how to rally. End-of-month pushes, year-end rushes, the “I just need one more closing” adrenaline — we’re actually pretty good at finishing. But real estate isn’t built on beginnings and endings. It’s built in the middle. The days when nothing feels urgent. The days when no one is watching. The days when your goals depend on quiet, almost invisible consistency. And those are the days we tend to skip the candle.

Why the Middle Fails Us (And How We Can Stop Letting It)

Pink’s research shows something comforting: the middle is hardwired to feel blah. It’s not personal. It’s not a character flaw. It’s not a sign you aren’t cut out for your goals. It’s psychology. So instead of trying to “be more disciplined,” we need to design around the slump.
Here’s what actually works:

1. Shorter Cycles, Smaller Wins

Stop trying to “be consistent for 90 days.” Try being consistent for one week.
Or one day.
Shorter cycles mean more fresh starts — and more fresh starts mean you skip a lot of the middle.

2. Name Your Middle

If the middle is sneaky, shine a light on it. Create your own midpoint rituals:

• Midweek reset
• Mid-month reflection
• Halfway-through-the-quarter check-in

When you call out the midpoint, you give it weight. When you give it weight, you reclaim momentum.

3. Reconnect to Your Why on Purpose

In the beginning, your goal feels emotional. In the end, the deadline makes it emotional again. The middle? Emotionless. So ask yourself regularly:

• Why did I set this goal in the first place?
• Who will feel it when I follow through?
• What version of me am I becoming with these small choices?

Your “why” is the fuel. The middle is where fuel gets low.
Refill it.

4. Make Your Metrics Visible

Your brain will drift if the path isn’t clear. Track your calls. Track your appointments. Track your follow-ups. Track your wins. A scoreboard pulls you through the middle.

The Lesson in the Candles

When I think about those families lighting the menorah, I don’t picture people forgetting out of laziness. I picture people juggling life, meaning well, and realizing on Night 7 that they missed the candles somewhere along the way.
Just like the agents who realize in May that they drifted from their January goals. No shame. No judgment. Just a very human middle. But here’s the beautiful part: The miracle wasn’t on the first night, or even the last night. The miracle was in the commitment to keep lighting — even when the energy dipped, even when the middle felt ordinary, even when it required intentionality. Your goals deserve the same. 

This year, I’m challenging you — and myself — to not only honor the beginning and celebrate the end… but to keep lighting the candles in the middle; because that’s where your real success will grow.

Yours in Success,
Coach Lins