I’ll spare you most of the details, but to better understand where I’m coming from with this game plan, you should probably know that I have recently become a member of the “Sandwich Generation.” My kiddos are pretty young, so I still feel relatively new to parenthood. I imagine my “sandwich” feels more like something thrown together from a gas station during a road trip; processed, simple, probably made of plastic. Meeting the needs of my children while simultaneously caring for the needs of my parents is quite honestly something I hadn’t considered when I signed up to become a grown-up. The additional decisions, appointments, stressors, and mental fatigue isn’t just burdensome or taxing, it can trigger task paralysis, severe depression, or worse if I’m not careful with my own thoughts, thoughtful with my own time, and gentle with my own heart.
I’ve always imagined summers with my kids to be filled with travel and discovery and wonder and learning. I’ve always wanted to foster curiosity and create core memories for my kids and raise humans who will become good people. I’ve always thought I’d build this Pinterest worthy life for our family and pour and pour and pour into my children because, like everyone I know, I’ve always wanted to do this parenting thing right. I never thought I’d be starting a summer break in survival mode.
The truth is, I could have been in “survival mode” for the better part of the past several years since my father became ill, however I chose not to be. To me, survival means to make it by the skin of your teeth. To just get by. To barely keep your head above water. Instead, I found myself considering how to simplify and stay focused. How to keep pouring and pouring and pouring into myself and my kids without emptying my cup. How to show up and be present and stay in alignment with my own core values without feeling depleted and empty. It wasn’t (and isn’t) easy, and it has been (and is) completely worth it.
I knew well in advance that this summer would have it’s own unique challenges, working from home with no trips in the books so we can stay close for my dad. So back in April I started making a plan. This won’t be the storybook summer most kids fantasize about, but this will still be a summer we’ll all remember fondly because we’re working together as a team, we’re taking care of each other, and we’re learning and growing as a nuclear unit. This is going to be just as impactful as the storybook summer vacations I’d always imagined, but it’s just going to look a little different.
SETTING THE STAGE
For reference, my kids are seven and ten, so they’re old enough to do their own laundry and play independently, but they can’t borrow the car to run themselves to the mall just yet. You might need to adjust your plan or expectations depending on the age levels of your children, I’m only writing about what I know right now.
Expectations:
The Sunday before school ended, we had a ‘fancy’ family dinner and called a family meeting during dessert to talk about our summer plans. We emphasized the importance of how much we trust them to be responsible little humans and that we need their help to make sure our home stays for the most part intact while mom and dad work during the day. We somehow managed to finess the conversation to getting them to self-discover that they needed to step up and help out more around the house since they weren’t in school and we were still working. I seriously wish I could tell you what that magic was. (If I could remember it I would bottle it, sell it, and retire).
Bucket Lists and Boundaries:
We asked the kids what they wanted to see, do, and learn this summer. We explained our time, space, and financial boundaries. We wrote everything down. Each kiddo made a bucket list and we got out the family calendar. Buggy wants to go to the Mall of America (weird, but okay) and Odie is completely pumped to have a lemonade stand.
The more involved they can be in this process, the more included they’ll feel, especially if decision need to be made should things go sideways. My kids know that their grandpa isn’t feeling well. They know that he is dying. They don’t know when that will happen and they’re ready to switch gears and change plans when things start progressing in “Grandpaland”. Not all kids can roll with changes; mine can sometimes be sticky, so I’m vigilant about communicating what plans are and how they might change. Giving them things to look forward to, even if they’re little like lemonade stands or mall trips, is critical to their own mental health as it is for my own.
DAILY STRUCTURE
To give the kids a sense of agency, we discussed what household tasks needed to be completed every day and then we decided together from those tasks what their own chores would be. We explained that we expected them to complete their daily chores before anything else every day. Before screens, tablets, switches, or friend time: our kids know they need to check all the chore boxes as well as hit their daily reading goal. For example, on Tuesdays one of the kids will do their own laundry, on Wednesdays the other will do theirs. On Mondays one of the kids will vacuum upstairs, and on Tuesdays the other child will vacuum the main floor. Each morning the kids have a household task, which is a win-win for everybody. The house will remain relatively clean(ish), the kids will learn some life skills, I will have less cleaning on my own plate (although my standards must be lowered-I’ll learn to be good with that), and my kids will be earning a little bit of cash every week in the form of their very first formal allowance. In addition to their morning chores, they will also need to eat a healthy breakfast and tidy up, brush their hair and teeth, dress themselves, put their clothes away, and read for at least twenty minutes.
Pro Tip # 1: I designed a weekly checklist in Google Sheets for each kiddo to follow, and I then created a PDF to print every week. Each sheet includes their morning and their evening chores, their reading goals, and checkboxes. I printed Odie’s twice because he wants to keep one in his room for reference; the main lists are on our fridge.
Pro Tip #2: If you’re stumped about age-appropriate chores, try telling ChatGPT about your home and the ages of your kids, then ask it to spit out some ideas.
We’re six days in… So far so good.
FUN THEMES
I did some brainstorming over the past few weeks and figured out different themes for each weekday, and then I tried to come up with at least ten independent and a handful of interdependent (or dependent) activities for each theme. Our summer themes are as follows: Make it Mondays, Thoughtful Tuesdays, Water Wednesdays (this’ll be a hit), Touring Thursdays, and Freedom Fridays. For Make it Mondays – our creative days, I’ve got a list of independent art projects they can do, meals they can help us make, things they can build, etc. Most of the independent activity ideas will be a part of our BAG OF TRICKS, and we’ll save them for when the day is long and we’ve heard “I’M BORED” at least seventy times. We don’t open the bag of tricks unless we absolutely have to. This is important, because when the kids are little and the bag is empty, things get tricky.
KEEP CONSISTENT
We’re maintaining a sense of constant as much as possible. On Touring Thursday, we’re planning weekly library trips in the mornings and then the kids will visit Nate’s folks one week and they’ll come with me to see my folks the next. We meal plan together on Sundays and they take turns grocery shopping with Nate so each has a chance to do what we call “Dad Shopping” which is Nate’s term for senseless ambling and browsing for ridiculous yet fun things- mostly at Menards. Our bedtime routines start at the same as they did when school was in session, but when we’re finished saying goodnight, the kids are each allowed to stay up a little later playing quietly and independently in their own rooms.
TRIPS
We’re staying close to home just in case things progress with my dad, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed a vacation! Instead of booking a flight to someplace new and exciting, we’re planning to go camping close to Grandpa’s house. We have two official camping trips in the calendar and the kids are stoked because their grown up cousins have asked to join us. The oldest kiddo is in charge of creating a scavenger hunt for everybody and the youngest is in charge of campfire games. This is giving the kids something to look forward to as well as a sense of responsibility for planning our ‘vacation’.
THE HARD PART
The hardest part isn’t on the kids, my friend, it’s on us. Consistency will only remain so long as we hold to it, and we’re the ones with the fully developed prefrontal cortexes to handle the job. We can’t lean on the littles to make sure the systems stay upright, they’re still learning how to ‘people.’ So while we’re planning our day or our week, we won’t forget to layer in our kiddo plans so we can keep that summer ship above water.
IT’S OKAY
I’m a serious planner and a little bit of a worrier. Before I worked out this system I was truly anxious that this summer was going to be busted because we’re just stuck in this weird anticipatory grief-filled waiting period. What I’ve come to learn is that a little creativity and a little heart can go a long way, and with the right approach and attitude, we really can and will make lemons out of lemonade. Odie’s gonna get that stand after all.
If you’re also beginning your summer with kiddos home from school and you’re already counting down the days until they go back to structured learning, know you aren’t alone. I trust we can all get into a rhythm that gives the kids the joyful summer they crave and the peaceful structure we adults need.
As always, it is an honor and a privilege to be in business with you.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
Coach Lins
