Ruger – My best friend.
7/4/06 -12/15/19
When my beloved black lab would play fetch, she’d commit to retrieving the ball so hard that she’d happily go until she collapsed if we didn’t put a stop to it. Obsessed is an understatement. Maybe you know a dog like this too? The toss, retrieve, drop a slobbery ball that was caked in dirt and grass clippings and foam on our feet; rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse repeat. When she got older, the tosses and sessions grew shorter, but she never once lost her love or her drive for fetch. The obsession was essentially embroidered in her DNA. If that pup had thumbs and verbal language she might have had an outstanding sales career.
I’ve never related to a K9 more than when I’ve caught myself in the middle of a hyper-fixation or a spree of task-dominance.
The phrase “That’ll do, pig” originates from the 1995 film Babe, where the character Farmer Hoggett (played by James Cromwell) says it to the titular pig after he successfully performs at a sheepdog competition. The line is famous for its emotional impact, it has become an iconic movie quote, and it’s something I say to myself when I find that I’m stuck in an over-achiever loop.
Where the heck are we going with this one today, Lins?
Great question and I’m so glad you asked.
We’re going to talk about the spiral. The chase. The dopamine mining; and yes, the often ignored feature that some of us neuro-spicies tend to have; the inability to rest when we have momentum.
In coaching, most of our conversations revolve around inspiration, motivation, and finding the spark that gets us going. We sometimes have to remind ourselves to slow down, too. Many of us are walking a tightrope between being in a state of potato and a state of over-exertion. The middle ground between apathy and action is a grey zone that most of us with ADHD have never seen before. The result? Burnout and deficiencies in our relationships, our sleep, our nutrition, and oftentimes our cup of joy.
So how do we sort ourselves out before we become the metaphoric chihuahua in a thunderstorm? Friends, it isn’t easy but it’s necessary: we need to keep checking in with ourselves and double down on our D’s:
- Do we really need to do it now?
- Can we delegate this task to someone else?
- Is this something we can delay and kick the can down the road?
- Or is this an action item with little/no value that we can delete from our list?
Do you find it challenging to evaluate your D’s? Friend, same. But here’s the thing: there’s something remarkably powerful about placing a name on something. It gives us a little more power and control over it. There’s something uniquely magical about self-awareness, because it gives us a chance to assess our surroundings and situation and evaluate our progress and momentum. There’s a spiritual awakening when we give ourselves permission to slow down, take a breath, and step away. And there’s more value in resting than most of us will care to admit.
So what do I do when I’m in the middle of “what else can I accomplish today” mode? I evaluate my D’s: especially the ‘Delegate’ factor, because it sometimes takes an outsider looking in to identify accurately the fact that I’m in a task-loop-spiral. That person is my husband. With years of practice, open communication, and a handful of disconnects that we’ve learned from, Nate has become my delegated accountability partner in recognizing when I’m getting carried away. He helps me see the spiral before I hit the burnout. He lovingly yet firmly (with my permission of course – marriage maintenance at play here,) reminds me of my priorities to my family, my health, and myself; he asks me to stand back and evaluate the D’s. Usually (he knows this but you can tell him I said it when you see him), he’s right.
So dig in, be real, and try to spot it when you find yourself in a spiral. Are you neglecting your primary objectives while you chase these hyperfixations? Are you forgetting your basic direction in hopes of banging one more thing off of your list? This isn’t a note to advocate for latency, it’s a loving reminder that tomorrow will come, there will always be room for the extra stuff, and your physical and mental health are more important than your errands and to-do list.
You’re precious and I believe in you.
Now go get yourself a snack.
Love,
Coach Frawley
